Thursday, February 25, 2010

Can't Tell Up From Down

I'm tired. TIRED. TI-RED.  I'm getting a little taste of being on my own this week.  My hubby and I were fortunate enough that he was able to take a whole month off of work.  But the last three days he has been helping my BIL out and working for him.  On one hand I'm happy to help family and for the extra dinero, but on the other hand, I'M TIRED. 

My boy got a cold at one week old.  I cannot tell you what a bad momma I feel like to have a one week old with a cold.  We took him to the doctor and our pediatrician (whom I LOVE!) calmed our fears and told us just to ride it out.  He is getting better but his little cough kills me!  Shakes his whole little body.  The first two nights he had the cold I could sleep because I was scared to death he was going to stop breathing.  So every single solitary noise he made I was awake.  And now he has gone from being an awesome sleeper to a cat napper during the day.  Let me tell you there isn't much you can get done when your baby only sleep 30 minutes at a time.  My house is a disaster.  Well, that's not totally true.  I keep it picked up but there has been no dusting or cleaning going on.  Which I suppose I probably shouldn't care about but I do.  Especially when people want to come visit.  Which I WANT them and need them to do.  I don't want to seem like a lazy housekeeper!

My hubby has been quite amazing.  We had a bit of a bump but we are figuring out how to help each other figure it all out.  The first day he went to help my BIL, he walked in the door, took a shower and said, "Here give me the baby.  You get out of the house for a bit."  You've never seen anyone get dressed so fast in their life.  Nor have you ever seen someone relish 30 minutes at the store like I did.  And the nights when I didn't get any sleep he will take Jackson and let me go back to bed for a bit.  Thank God for good husbands.

All in all I think we are settling in.  Mommyhood is hard.  I knew it would be but you know how it is.  Knowing something and experiencing it are two totally different things.  I'm just trying not to push myself too hard and let some of my perfectionism go.  Which isn't easy for me.  I've had my breakdowns and my moments of irritation.  But I think I've pulled it together fairly quickly and straightened myself out.  Besides one can't fall apart when one has this butterball to look at all day.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

365 Days of Jackson

You know I love to take pictures and now I have someone to take pictures of EVERY SINGLE DAY. So I started a new blog just for Jackson pictures! I'm going to take a picture of him every single day and at the end of the year put it in to a book. How cool will that be to have a book of him growing at the end of his first year?

365 Days of Jackson

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Best Laid Plans

When I got pregnant I immediately got down to business planning my birth. I read books, talked with friends and did a ton of research on the web. And I had it all worked out. I was amazed at my body from the very beginning. How it just went about creating my baby and doing everything it needed to make sure that my baby was well protected and cared for. I decided pretty early on that I wanted a natural childbirth. Natural as in no drugs. I wanted to take it as far as I could without using any intervention and hoped I could go all the way. I had my midwife and discussed many different options with her and birthing positions and everything. I wrote it all out, got my birthing ball and my playlist for the birth. I was ready. And then I went into labor.
 February 9th (my due date) I was woken up by contractions.  But I wasn't really buying it because just three days before on Saturday I had had contractions ALL day and nothing happened.  So I only told my hubby and we just went about our day.  I had been leaking a little fluid since Saturday but let's be honest here (sorry if it's TMI guys), when you a pregnant you tend to "leak" a lot.  So I had been leaking a bit but didn't really think anything of it.  Hubby and I decided to head to Ikea to walk around.  What I did notice that the leaking was a little pinkish.  Oddly enough a girlfriend of mine had texted me the day before and told me that she never had a big gush of water but a little leaking and it was pink.  Even odder was that when we got to Ikea she just happened to call and I told her what was going on.  She got very excited and asked if we were on our way to Labor & Delivery.  I said, "No, do you think I should call?"  She said I better so I hung up and called L & D.  After talking to them they decided they wanted us to head on in.  We took our sweet time though.  I knew that once we got there if they kept us it would be awhile before we got to go back outside!

We got to L&D at around 1:30 after dilly-dallying around.  My midwife came in to check me and they were really concerned once they found out that I had been leaking since Saturday.  She went to check me and HELLO gush.  There is all was.  My water had broke and it was baby time!  I was SO excited.  I had all my stuff and my plan in place and I knew it was going to be an amazing experience.  They moved us into our labor room and got us set up with our nurse.  She started monitoring the baby and me and trying to get me admitted.  The problem was that she kept losing the heartbeat.  She would move the monitor and it would stay for awhile but she would lose it or it would go really high or low.  She kept pulling other nurses and my midwife in to see if they could figure out what was going on.  My midwife finally decided that in order to truly monitor Jackson they needed to insert an internal monitor.  That was a pain I was NOT prepared for.  HOLY.  COW.  So they got that inserted and it worked briefly.  But they still kept losing it.  By this time they were getting really concerned and we were starting to get concerned as well.  My midwife came in and told me that she and the on call OB had consulted and at this point they needed to reinsert the internal monitor and they wanted to put some sterile fluids into my uterus to make sure that they baby was okay.  And in order to do this they suggested I get an epidural because it was very painful.  I'm only 2 centimeters dilated at this point.  My contracts are about 20 minutes apart and they hurt but I can breathe through them. 

This is not what I planned.  This is not what I wanted.  What I wanted was a beautiful, trouble free earth mother experience.  I wanted it to be smooth sailing.  But the doctor and midwife assure it is the best thing to do and they need to do it quickly because they need to get a handle on the situation.  Here's a little insight into me.  I hate pain.  HATE it.  But what I hate MORE is the anticipation of pain.  The idea of it or the idea of what I think it will be.  So getting the epidural was a bit traumatic for me.  More because I was scared than anything.  BUT then they decided that they needed to get the internal monitor on again BEFORE the epidural.  So I got to deal with that twice.  Fun stuff. 

Finally we get the epidural, the heart monitor is going but they are still concerned about his heart rate.  At 6:30 p.m. the midwife and doctor come in and tell me they need to do a c-section and they need to do it now.  They are concerned because they can't seem to get the heartbeat stabilized and they don't want to take any chances.  I lost it at this point.  Completely and totally.  I was crying and scared.  Hubby was trying to calm me down but I was so upset.  On one hand, yes do anything you have to do to make sure my little man is okay, but on the other hand I did not want a c-section.  I didn't want surgery at all.  But the doctor's were insisting so I agreed.  They told me as soon as the changed shifts they would take me into surgery because the next shift was coming on then.  Basically they would brief the doctors coming on and they would be with me asap because I was a priority patient. 

An hour later my room is filled with doctors, nurses, midwives, and anesthesiologists.  They make everyone leave but me and hubby.  And then the new doctor drops a bombshell.  He doesn't think I need a c-section after all.  In fact he isn't recommending it.  He said he took a look at Jackson's heartbeat and he just seems to have a low baseline but seems to be in no kind of distress.  I couldn't believe.  I literally felt myself lighten right up.  They had discussed it and they wanted to give me pitocin because they wanted to get my contractions regulated and going stronger but they saw no reason to rush into surgery at this point.  I was so happy.  I felt so much better.  So much better in fact I slept the night away.  I woke up for a few minutes here and there but I really slept.  In fact when they came in at 6:30 a.m. and told me I was dilated to 8 went right back to sleep until 10 minutes before I started pushing! 

At 9 a.m. they came in and checked me at I was at a plus 3.  They told me they could see his head and I was ready to start pushing!  Thirty minutes later I started pushing and thirty minutes after that he was born!  I don't think I will ever forget that moment.  That moment when I first saw his little face.  He was so beautiful and chubby and screaming his little lungs out.  I was crying and I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  All the sudden though I realized that something was right.  The midwife who had delivered Jackson was barking a lot of what seemed to be urgent orders and told me to stop pushing and be still.  Apparently after I gave birth I busted a blood vessel.  And lost a lot of blood.  At least that's what I'm told.  I couldn't see anything and was concentrating on Jackson but from what I understand it was pretty scary.  I ended up having quite a few stitches after it was all said and done.  That was pleasant.  And we ended up staying in the hospital for three days because first they were worried about us both because we got a fever right after birth, then my iron was really low, then they were worried about his jaundice (in fact they ALMOST kept him.  Yet another hysterical moment for me.).  So we stayed in the hospital just to the point were we were ready to do just about anything to get out of there.

I have to say though we experienced the best care at Kaiser.  I was shocked really.  Every nurse, every doctor was kind and concerned and nurturing.  They were never impatient with my barrage of questions.  They never grew irritated by my tears.  They were so kind.  We were so happy with everyone we encountered.

Jackson's birthday obviously didn't go at all as I planned but it was just as it should be.  I remember when I was in labor every time I woke up I would say a prayer.  I remember between each push just being very calm and still and concentrating on what I was doing.  Even though it was nothing like I thought it would be it was a very spiritual experience for me.  And despite all the drama we endured I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Because to change a single thing would mean that I would lose out on kissing this little face every day.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

My Baby Valentine

I guess my plea worked. Five hours after posting that I was being admitted to the hospital. Twenty hours and 30 minutes later my greatest blessing, gift, accomplishment was born. I have quite the store to tell with LOTS of drama but that will have to wait. Let's just revel in his cuteness, shall we? Thank you all for your texts, and Facebook posts and everything else. I'm so glad I got to share it with you.

Born: 2/10/10
9 pounds 8 ounces
21 1/2 inches long

Thank you to Nicole for capturing these pictures.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Any Minute Now

Well, today's the day. That's what I'm told. Today's the BIG DAY. At least that's what they told me 10 months ago. They wouldn't lie to me about this right?  Ten months ago my midwife pulled out her little wheel-chart thingy and said February 9th was the day we were shooting for.  So I'm ready.  Bags are packed, car seat installed, bassinet cleaned and ready and we've got lots and lots of diapers. 

I'm 40 weeks pregnant and I'm over it.  God is pretty smart.  You are pregnant just long enough to get to the point that you could CARE LESS about how much pain is involved you just want the baby out.  And that's where we are at here in the Wilder household.  I had a rough day yesterday.  It started on Saturday when I had contractions all day 30 to 45 minutes apart.  I started to get excited thinking that was it.  And they promptly stopped at 7:30 p.m.  Saturday night neither Hubby or I got any sleep because I'm sick YET again.  I was coughing so much I kept us both up.  Sunday was worse.  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't blow my nose, and the coughing. Oy vey.  Sunday night was another night of sleeplessness and Monday I hit a wall.  I sat on my couch and sobbed for really no good reason other than I was tired, I was sick, I was frustrated and I am so darn tired of being pregnant.  Luckily I have the greatest Hubby in the world who came home and comforted me and held my hand and generally made me feel like I wasn't crazy.

Today we are heading out into the nasty weather to find a big shopping center to walk around in.  I think we both feel at this point if we aren't going to be sleeping much we might as well have a cute baby to look at.  And the contractions have started being more consistent again (yes I realize I could go on like for a week.  Please lie to me at this point.)  Besides, they did tell me today was the big day.  And they better be right or heads are going to roll.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Glamour Shots

My pal NJ was kind enough to capture some photos of me in all my pregnant glory. And after seeing these I realize why people think I'm carrying more than one! My goodness my belly is LARGE. But NJ worked it out and did a great job! So thanks my pal for making me look so good!
I realize there is no belly in this but I like my eyes in this one!

This is one of my absolute favorites!

Aw, back when I could WEAR my ring.

Oh my, the belly.

I really like this one too.

Thanks again NJ!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Birthday Andy-Bo Jangles

Happy birthday to my little brother.  You are an awesome man and I'm proud to be your sister.  Wish we were with you!

Monday, February 1, 2010

I need a substitute

I realize that it may be a little late in the game for this but it officially hit me yesterday that soon (due date in ONE WEEK) I will be responsible for pushing a watermelon size child out of my body.  Up until this point I haven't really been too nervous about the whole thing but HELLO WATERMELON?!  Also, coupled with the fact that OUCH these contractions that have started (not labor just those random contractions) hurt just smidgen and um, they are supposed to get worse has caused me to rethink this whole thing.  My mom told me that when she was pregnant with me after her and my dad went to their birthing class she told him in the car ride home that she had changed her mind and didn't want to have a baby after all.  He told her it was a little too late for that.  I'm taking a slightly different approach.  I still want the kid, but I'll pay any one of you to birth him.  Who's game?  Come on over and I'll tap you in.