15 weeksI've shared with you before that I struggle with my weight. I am, by no means, someone that will ever be 110 pounds or a size 6. For me weight is a daily struggle. Something that if I want to maintain a certain weight I have to be on top of it daily. There is no break or down time. Before I got pregnant I was attempting to not only drops some pounds but also change my body image and self-esteem about the whole issue. I don't WANT to be someone that obsesses about it. I don't want to spend my days counting calories and pounds. I want to be healthy and I want to be proud of who I am no matter what my body looks like.
16 weeksBefore I got pregnant I had lost a little over 20 pounds of the course of quite a few months. I was working on changing my attitude towards food and allowing myself to still enjoy food but within moderation. When May hit and I got pregnant I wanted very much to not just throw caution to the wind and eat all the crap in the world because I'm now "eating for two (HELLO MYTH WE TELL OURSELVES TO EAT MORE!)". The first trimester was not super easy. I wasn't sick but I figured out quickly that if I didn't constantly keep my stomach full I would feel sick. So I did. Kept my stomach full and the pounds started coming back. Second trimester was actually easier. I gained less in those three months then I had in the three previous. So I was feeling pretty good about that. But now the weight is really coming on. And coming on strong. And two weeks ago I found my first stretch marks. I am not kidding you when I say that as soon as I saw them I walked away from the mirror because I was ready to cry. Personally I think making it to seven months without stretch marks is pretty good but now they are there and they are also coming on with a vengeance. And every time I see them I cringe and quickly cover my belly.
20 weeksI know people say that this is not the time for me to worry about my weight. That I'm supposed to gain weight, blah, blah, blah. And I do get that. But I don't want to be on the other side of this and have 100 pounds to lose (of course I exaggerate. Lord help me if I did!). Being a first time mom I can only IMAGINE the insecurities I will be facing at the time. Am I doing this right? Am I going to break him? Will I be a good mom? I don't want this to be one more insecurity piled on. I do try to be aware of what I am eating and making good choices. If I'm hungry during the day I try to reach for a piece of fruit over candy. I'm not eating out anymore now that I'm not working but when I was I still tried to make good choices. Sandwich vs. a hamburger. At night the chocolate monster hits though and I have to have just a little bit. Plus, I feel a bit doomed because all the women in my family get HUGE with pregnancy. And I don't just mean fat. I mean belly for days. My teeny-tiny sister was a walking belly. In reality I have gained most of it there. I can still pull on my pants I used to wear and they fit everywhere but the belly. I can pull my shirts on but nothing is buttoning across my, ahem, chest (HOLY cow people. That's what I feel like.). So I try to focus on that and think that maybe it isn't so bad. But the fact of the matter is there is excess weight and Jackson isn't taking it all when he vacates the premises.
31 weeksThis is not what I want to be focused on right now. What I want to be focused on is this little guy that plays soccer for hours on end in my belly. I want to be focused on preparing myself and my life and my house for this newest addition. So how do I handle it? How did you handle it? Did you through caution to the wind and say "I'll deal with it then"? Or did you deal with it daily?