Have I mentioned before how unsure I was about my OB? Let's call her Dr. Ice shall we? Because that is what she is. A BIG FAT BLOCK OF ICE. I'm officially over her. This is going to be a long one kids so hang on to your britches. Also, could be TMI. You've been warned.
On Wednesday of this week I started bleeding. Bright red blood. Which promptly sent me into a freak out because everything you read and everything your doctor's tell you is that if it's brown you're okay but if it's bright red you have cause for concern. I immediately called the advice line and the nurse made me an appointment with the next available doctor. Let's call him Dr. Gentle. So my sister and husband came with me and we went and saw Dr. Gentle. He was very kind. He did an examine and both an internal ultrasound and external. He said everything was fine and even showed us the baby and the heartbeat. It was a quick visit but leaving there I felt much better. He told me to go take it easy and that sometimes these things happen and at this point "whatever was going to happen was going to happen." I went home, put my feet up and was feeling better. But then it got worse. And the cramping started. I immediately laid down and stayed that way for the rest of the night. By the time I got up in the morning it seemed to have slowed down and although I was still having some cramping I headed out to work.
While I was at work yesterday I made one of my gazillion trips to the bathroom and there it was again. Worse than ever. This time I was determined to remain as calm as possible. I called the nurse on the advice line again and she immediately told me to go on bed rest and she wanted me to come in and see the doctor this morning. So that's what I did. I laid down all day yesterday. But it didn't let up. And there was cramping. Honestly it felt like I was have my Lady Days. Which, hello? You aren't supposed to have when you are pregnant. It was consistent all day yesterday until about 8:30 p.m. and then it started to let up a bit.
So I got up this morning and got ready for my appointment. My dad came to pick me up because honestly I didn't know if I would be in any state of mind to drive myself home. So we are about 2 minutes from the hospital and Dr. Ice calls. At first I was shocked and happy that she had. So unlike her to behave caring in any way. I got over that quickly. Basically she calls to tell me that there really isn't any reason at all for her to see me because she's not going to do anything different than Dr. Gentle and he's a good doctor. And really why would I want to waste my time coming into the office when she can just "reassure me over the phone." Oh and also, if for some reason I should decide to keep my appointment she is running late so I'm going to have to wait. "Sometimes these things just happen and there is nothing we can do about it." I was shocked. I was blown away that this doctor couldn't be bothered to reassure a first time mother that her baby was okay.
First of all, I am a first-timer. So every twinge, every cramp, every new symptom is being closely monitored by me. With pregnancy you don't know what to expect from day-to-day. The symptoms you have one day will be completely different the next. So you just try to stay in tune with your body and know as much as you can what is going on. I have tried very hard to not be one of those ladies (who are NOT crazy, just concerned) that calls every time I sneeze. All I have asked is that when I do have a question or I do see a doctor that they spend the time with me that is necessary to make me feel reassured and confident. Dr. Ice hasn't done that a single time. NOT ONCE. Every time I have seen her I have felt rushed out of her office. In fact she has told me multiple times, "If you think you are stressed now wait until the baby comes. That's stress. This is the easy part." I'm sorry but are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?!? Look lady I know that you see 1000 ladies a day but there is just one me. I'm not just another number on a chart. This is my FIRST pregnancy. If it was my third it might be a little different. I feel so responsible right now in ways I can't even explain. If something were to happen I would feel as if I had failed. As if somehow my body had let my baby down. Do I realize that after the baby comes it will a DIFFERENT kind of stress? Well, DUH. Seriously. So on top of how crappy she has been the last two times I have seen her for her to call and blow me off today has definitely pissed me off. And just to assure myself that I'm not crazy I've talked to my family about it and they all agree that as a first pregnancy this doctor should be willing to see me everyday if I wanted JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. So much for bedside manner. The other thing is that every other nurse, doctor, whoever I have talked to at the hospital since I got pregnant has shown extreme concern over my job. They all know where I work and when they find out they have all told me that I need to be very careful and try to keep my stress level as low as possible because the company I work for is not good with pregnant employees. They have all showed a high level of concern over this and my stress level. And yet Dr. Ice? Well, I just don't know stress yet as far as she is concerned.
So as it stands now I'm still bleeding. And I'm changing doctors. I'm going to find someone that gives a hoot about my feelings and is concerned enough to make sure that I am reassured that they have checked everything they can and are monitoring all they should to make sure my munchkin is okay. Medically they are correct. What is going to happen is going to happen. But I am actually paying for my insurance so they should be HAPPY AND WILLING to do everything they can to make ME feel better. And Dr. Ice? She can take a long walk off a short pier as far as I am concerned.